Hello all~~~~ can't beleive that i haven't come up for ages.. sorry everyone =p well..... for those who had keep in touch with me would definitely know how i am =p sigh......... many things had happened on me..... had a hard time on my FYP...... >__< and i've met someone and the only one which hurt me the most and i hate the most in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah... i've back to HK for almost 2 months already.. didn't do much in fact... just keep looking for jobs and keep waiting for the replies.... >__< am i don't have any luck on looking for a job? or is that my problem? was thinking lots of things the other days..... why i always has to be the worst in mum's mind no matter i do...... after coming back.. i really think i can't live with her............ no matter i do she just look down on me.... she never feel am stress.. what she cares is when i can earn money back home......

keep scolding by her nearly everyday i've back..... am i a silly gal? do i speak in a stupid way? do i act as a impolite silly gal? i don't know what i can do to change her mind..... when she is angry, she would tell me to die..... sometimes i would really think should i just die and leave her, would she be more happy? why always have to compare me with others? why i has to be introduced to be the worst among her friends......... she even think i was wasting money for studying abroad last few years...... no matter what i do or what i said she would never proud of........

back to friends... well... acutally i didn't contact many of ppl since i come back... first thing is as i don't want to waste moeny to go out... but for those ppl know i've come back.... well... they seem had forgot about me already...... b4 i was still in uk... i was sooooooo unhappy and wanna to come back to hk asap... and with my friend's advise to go back hk and not staying in there.... but then.. after i've back... it seems staying here make me more unhappy... not only from family.. but also fom friends... for those ask me to come back hk and said miss but but in fact they never wanted to be.......... sometimes i do really regred that i've come back for hk..... come back to a place that i would really feel lonely and not being cared with others..............

back to job application....... no reply is the only thing i can say...... is that really that hard to find a job here? just finished Jockey Club's trainning last night... met many new friends and they all are nice ppl i feel.... congrad. to those had passed the eng test and happy to know u all!!!! but what do they think about me? would they think like what my mum's think or would they treat me like what my friends treat me? from the introduction last night.. and seems that everyone had job experience.... think i'm the only one that never had work b4.......... i do feel ashame at that time... really do........ i know Stella Ho is always be a bad gal..... and i would never be successful...............

what a productive day... did nth at home except eating..... don't know why i don't really have motivation at home tho.... back home last night.... i don't know why everytime when i back home... i would also feel exhausted.... am i really acting very nervous everytime when i.....? or i'm just too anxious of what i was thinking?

had dinner with chick chick last night... well.. i don't know what should i say... we nearly said nth apart from something...... is that my problem? i just don't know how to handle it............. 10 years friendship.... is that going to be ended? many memory of us keep inside me brain recently.... think back.. i felt really sweet and was really happy that i felt i was cared by him in the past... everytime when i thought back, i would also smile happily... but now.... i don't think i would have smile on this person anymore...

i am really happy about the call today... but still... i still don't have any faith on our so called 'friendship'.... am i really a bad gal? i know it's wrong, but i just can't control myself to do the right thing... maybe it's my mind that don't want to do the right thing...... i don't know.... it's sooo confused......... although i had already thought of the worst case and know it's apporaching... but then... i'm still feeling scare and hurt......  what should i do??

My new laptop finally arrived la!!!~!~~~~ Thx Charlene for bringing that to me tho~~~~ aiya... can't believe that there is sooooo much to do after a new pc is arrived... so much to dl.... so much to install..... any i don't know why my office disk is not working...... god..................

my Wii still not yet arrived yet... where has it gone??? >__< well, another week had gone by now.... really did nth in this week... and wasn't at home nearly all the week...what am i doing at the moment?

i don't know why i keep eating, eating and eating recently..... i've becoming a pig already.. but i don't know how to stop... just wanna eat, eat and eat...................... >__< i need to stop that..... anyway... time to go to bed now =p type again later la~ 

>__< black luck has came back on me...... my laptop is broken........ shiiiiiiiiit..... i can't do my work anymore at home.... help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry that haven't update for ages =p i just got back home last night... been stayed in my friend's home for last few days tho.... sooo tired... got back home at 6pm yesterday... slept at 8pm and woke up at 1pm today =^.^= can't believe how tired i was tho...... at first i only thought to sleep for a while and get back to work... but then i just slept through and with the light on..... sigh.....

nth to do at the moment... just getting online with my old slow son and chatting with my friends for my shitty thingy happened.... sigh........................